Today is the Day.

This is a BIG day for our family.

Today our family goes before the Judge for Guardianship for our Mother.  My Sister and I have been advised by multiple doctors that we should do this.  Mom has the type of dementia which causes the person who has dementia to actually "forget" that they don't remember.  It's confusing, isn't it?  Mom doesn't understand what is happening in regards to all of this.  For that reason she has obtained a very sharp, high paid, Lawyer.  My sister and I want to be named Co-Guardians for Mom and we are in agreement that the best thing for Mom, at this time, would be for her to come home to Louisiana and live with me (and my immediate family). . .So today we go before the Judge.

Not this Judge, Silly!

A different Judge.

Mom's attorney is asking that Mom remain in the assisted living facility where she has been for almost two months as we all waited for this court date.  She is also asking that I be made the sole Guardian, but not be allowed to take Mom out of the county where she lives.  (I live in a different state; a 6 hr drive.) DUH?  Can't imagine how that would make sense to anyone.

For now, I'll spare you all the reasons we feel this would not be a good arrangement, but the bottom line is that we don't feel Mom would thrive in the assisted living environment, at this time.

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If the Judge rules in our direction then we will return home tomorrow with Mom in tow.  I am hopeful this will happen.  If the Judge does not allow Mom to travel here then she will go to live with my Sister, who lives in the area, sort of.  Unless -

The worst case scenario would be if the Judge rules that Mom should remain in the assisted living center.  I know in my heart that Mom will not do well there over time.

That said, we've done everything we know to possibly do to make the best arrangements for Mom.  We've hired an attorney, who has so far been very disappointing.  And we've prayed about it. Now, regardless of what happens, I will leave this in God's hands, and know it is ultimately his will for Mom's life, as well as for the rest of the family. . .Oh, I may stomp about a little, and feel a lot guilty for living so far away,  and I certainly won't understand, but as my Sister often says, "We'll deal with it".  

Saturday's post:  "The VERDICT"

edited 3/3:
This post was delayed so the Friday court date has come and gone.
HAPPY to report that everything went smoothly.
Mom had decided it would be in her best interest to move to Louisiana to live with my family, with the right to have some extended visits with my Sister in Tulsa, during certain times of the year.  My sister and I were made co-Guardians.  *huge sigh of relief*

Mom did fine on the drive from Oklahoma to Louisiana.
A new chapter for our family has begun.

Have you read the one about . . .?

When I go to Mom's house it's quite common to see a stack of library books on the end table by the sofa.  It's been this way for many years. If I want a suggestion of a new author or a book "guaranteed to please" Mom is my go-to person.  She keeps a small list tucked inside her wallet where she has written the names of authors she enjoys reading. . .Then a peculiar thing happened.  I noticed that over time the stack of library books in the living room began to be smaller and then disappeared entirely.  I found it strange that she had stopped going to the library.  I questioned her, and her response was quite vague.

Now I understand.

She has since been diagnosed with "mild to moderate stage" dementia.  Reading, which has always been such a joy and a refuge for her, has become difficult.  She finds the twists and turns of a novel complicated and the many words on a small page overwhelming.

She is coming to live with us very soon.
I have wondered about what I could do to keep her mentally stimulated and emotionally happy.  Children's books seemed to have many of the features she needs, but the pictures and the stories seem almost insulting for a woman in her 80's. . .Then, I discovered Shadowbox Press, a company who makes interactive books for memory-impaired adults.  Who knew?  Certainly not me!  These books are wonderful!  They are colorful, large,  hard cover books.  The print is large and the subject matter is for adults.  The variety of subjects are such that either a man or a woman could enjoy them.  The one I own is, "Seasons".  It is creatively written and the photos are BEAUTIFUL (and large, for aging eyes).  The photos are actually vivid and nice enough to be framed and displayed on the wall if one was so inclined! Sometimes my ulterior DIY decorating persona comes through - Forgive me!  Of course I won't destruct this lovely book which I'll soon give to my Mom!!  Still, the fact is that the book is such that it could be a coffee-table book, left out and easily within reach for an eager reader.  At this stage of dementia, I think Mom will be able to read this book herself and will enjoy the pictures as well.  If the time should come that she cannot read, I feel the pictures will still give her joy.

I've also noticed there are suggested "Conversation Starters & Activities" (at the back of the book) which a caregiver could use to coordinate with the reading of this book.  What a great resource!!

The only thing I wish I could change is the notation at the bottom of the cover, "An Interactive Book for Memory-Impaired Adults" (which is also repeated on the title page).  I know Mom will find this "offensive, and maybe even depressing".  I plan to cover this with some type of sticker - that way she will enjoy the book and never know it is a "special type" of book, which to me is the beauty of these books.  They are written in such a way that one would never know they are "specially written" for one with some very special needs.

I'm already looking at other books offered by Shadowbox Press.
Mother's Day will be here in the Spring and I'm gonna order the "Dogs and Puppies" book for her.
The books are very affordable.
Doncha just love that?!

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Shadowbox Press gave me the book, "Seasons",  for the purpose of review.
The opinions are my honest thoughts.
I am happy to recommend these books!

Waiting.

I don't know anyone who really enjoys waiting.
Since early childhood we're taught to "take turns" and wait patiently for it to become our turn.  We don't usually like it, even though we understand it.

We're waiting for a court date, and it's been a slow wait.
The court date will mark a BIG day in our family life.
The evaluations have been made.
Backgrounds have been checked
Information has been gathered.
And depending upon the Judges decision, Mom will either stay at the assisted living center or she will come to live with us. It's an eerie thing to realize this big decision will be made by someone who doesn't really know any of us.  Mom's future hinges upon a stack of papers full of personal information.  I don't think I would like to be a Judge and have to make these decisions. . . I have decided to be at peace with however the Judge rules.  I hope that Mom can do the same.

The court date inches closer each day
and the waiting continues. . .

Look what I found!

I've been looking for some puzzles that would be suitable and enjoyable for my Mom.  I've read that  puzzles (for those with dementia) should be wooden, or very heavy cardboard with not more than 80 pieces, and they should not be child-like in composition, but rather something for an adult's interest level.  I've been pricing some online made for those with memory issues.  So glad I didn't order those as I happened across these today at "Tuesday Morning".  They have a wooden frame, and 48 pieces which are made of heavy-duty cardboard.  They were marked $6.99 each.  I thought these were a real "find".  I chose my two favorites.  When I went to pay I was told the yellow tag on them meant they were on sale for $1.40 each.  I ran back and grabbed up one of each puzzle.  What a deal!  I think Mom will enjoy these, and if not I'll donate them to the Senior Center so someone else can enjoy them.

I think they're beautiful!
What do you think?
 

The "G" word.

The entire process of becoming a Guardian for one's parent is something I hope you never have to experience.  It's an awful thing to need the court to declare your parent "incompetent".  Who wants to do that?
Not me.
Not my sister.
How we wish Mom had understood the need for signing Power-of-Attorney papers, but that was not the case.  She feared giving up control of what she and Dad had worked a lifetime to accomplish - their finances and their independence.  Sometimes one can hold onto things they love too tightly and that's exactly what happens when one has dementia and no Power-of-Attorney in place.  It's understandable, but also regrettable.  I will definitely sign a Power-of-Attorney when the time comes - the alternative is an awful option.


We are going through the legal process of Guardianship after being told by healthcare workers that it is the responsible thing to do at this time.  It's one of those "I don't wanna, but I gotta" type things.  It involves lawyers, lots of time, extra expense, lots of paperwork, and a judge.  It also makes for rough going when your parent doesn't understand why this is happening and how this is necessary for their well-being and protection.  When Guardianship is granted it is official that the parent/child relationship has flip-flopped, and the child has now become the "parent of the parent" to a major degree.  If you're a praying person I can guarantee that you will be on your knees seeking God's wisdom when this happens.  It's not an easy road.

"Hurry Back. I am waiting!!!"

Mom sent me this Christmas card after I had visited her mid-December.

So much has changed since then.

She is an assisted living center now.
She doesn't understand why my sister and I are seeking Guardianship.
She doesn't understand why she is no longer allowed to drive.
She doesn't understand what has happened to the world as she knew it.

We have no words that make sense to her,
so there will be no understanding.

Dementia is UGLY.

"It's too Late to Turn Back Now"

This is a RANT! 

So aggravated with the attorney we have for the Guardianship case for my Mom. 
He doesn't know the next court date, nor the time- he will call and ask Mom's attorney. Really? 
He has to call to ask HER? 
He seems to defer to her for many things.  He is definitely not the Alpha.

I had several questions today and his answer to each one was "I don't know". 
Then when I gave him some more information regarding our situation, his response was, "well you can tell the judge that.". 

Sooooo, I'm wondering what the heck are we paying this guy for??? 
He doesn't seem to know anything and we are gonna have to tell the Judge everything ourself. I thought an attorney would argue our case for us. 
This guy is a Goober!! 
I feel we're too far into this process to fire him and begin again with someone else. 
So aggravating!! 
My sister and I are two, loving, stable people, and we've passed all background checks. 
My sister is a degreed accountant. She works as an accountant, and is bonded...One would think this would be a "Slam/Dunk case", but noooooo. I feel like we're in the midst of Crazyville... 

Now, I wish I had a Margarita, and it's not even noon yet.