Christmas "smile"

Helping Mom get a few Christmas cards addressed then she shooed me out of the room so I couldn't see what she was writing on the inside of the cards.  Hmmmmm.  It could be interesting if you happen to be one of the three people on her Christmas card list.  

This makes me smile just to think about it.

Where the Heart Is.

Home

We come and go.
We paint the walls and mow the grass, and except for when it's time to make the mortgage payment we usually don't give a whole lot of thought to "home" and what it would be like if we suddenly didn't have our home.

Mom has a home.  A nice home that she's lived in for 30+ years.  Then she fell ill, and it's no longer possible for her to live in her home.  It sets empty.  My sister and I do the necessary maintenance and there are many who would say we should sell it, but neither of us have the heart to do so at this time.  Occasionally when Mom is back in her hometown she'll want to see her home.  Then there's always the question of whether it is a "help" for her or a "hindrance" to her well-being, advanced dementia being what it is, it's sometimes confusing for her.  She grieves for the loss of her home.  At first the grief was on-going.  Now the grief seems to only rear it's head on certain days.

Last week our family went out to eat Chinese food.
When the waiter brought the fortune cookies at the end of the meal we all had a good laugh as we read our funny fortunes.  Mom was the only one in our group who had a serious fortune cookie.

She read it aloud.
The meaning didn't seem to register.
But it made me very sad.

A Bowl of "Happy"!

Can you imagine what it would be like to NEVER feel hungry?

That can be one of the side effects of advanced dementia.
Mom is never hungry.
You can be sure she never turns down ice cream, but as far as being "hungry" - it doesn't happen.

Today our family stopped for fast food tacos.
Can you say, "Taco Bell"?  [smile]
Mom likes tacos, so that's not the problem.
She told my husband not to order her anything because she wasn't hungry.  It had been several hours since any of us had eaten anything and everyone else was hungry, except for her.  He went ahead and ordered her a small taco and a glass of sweet tea.  She grumbled.  I told her  to just eat what she wanted and leave what she didn't want.  (Mom hates to see food wasted, so that fact was on our side.)

"When you get old, people just boss you around", she groused.
But she ate the whole thing.

She sees the doctor next week so I'll be sure to mention her declining appetite to him.  Until then I'll continue to boss her around coax her to eat at least something at meal time.  Then at bedtime I'll take her a bowl of ice cream and she'll forgive me for pushing food at her throughout the day.  She needs the calories and it's a bowl of "happy" that never fails to please.

When you're 84 you can eat ice cream every night at bedtime, which gives us all something to look forward to!

Note to Self

Mom has been in Tulsa visiting with my Sister for two months.  Now she is back in Louisiana with me and my family.  She travels well and though she had a couple rough days previously (more about this in a later post), she has unpacked and seems quite content.

Today, as we made the 6 hour drive home, at one point we stopped for snacks.  Mom, still as fiercely independent as possible, insisted on buying her own candy bar.  She laid her Butterfinger candy bar on the counter and began to dig through her purse for the money to pay for her purchase.  It took a bit of time to find all the loose coins, but the cashier was very patient.  Then Mom began the slow process of trying to count out the correct amount of money.  She fumbled.  She paused.  I wanted to step forward to give her a little help, but decided against it.  The cashier helped her find the right combination of change and Mom accepted her assistance without hesitation.  <sigh of relief>

Crisis averted.

Sometimes it's the smallest of things that make a big difference in someone's life..
Note to self: There are no "small" acts of kindness.

So good to see Mom again.

Four Little Pumpkins All In A Row

My daughter shared this photo she took today.
Mom spent the day with her and her daughters (my Granddolls).  They went to the pumpkin patch to get their pumpkins then went home to decorate them.  So glad Mom is enjoying her visit in Tulsa!!

Looking Very Good!

This past weekend we celebrated our middle granddaughter's birthday.
Mom enjoyed the family dinner, and though she tried to get out of the photo - there was no escaping the camera.  She is seated between her two oldest great-granddaughters, and looking very good, I think!

We made the drive to Oklahoma for the birthday festivities.  Mom is now staying with my Sister in Tulsa for a prolonged visit.  She will probably be there until Thanksgiving.  She told me she would miss me and think about me every day.  She seemed to be a little sad that we were leaving to go back to LA, but at the same time she seemed pleased to stay and visit in Tulsa for a while.

I know this is not the life my Mom would have ever imagined, but she is doing well and most days she seems to have adjusted quite well to her "new normal".  We've all come a long way since the major changes that took place last December.  We're all in a far better place today, than we were back then.  So very thankful!

Drawing the line

The last few days have been wild a bit stressful.

Mom has been doing so well for so long now that it is surprising when she begins to "act out" (for lack of better words).  In her finest moments Mom is opinionated and wound quite tightly - that's simply her personality.  No one has EVER said that Mom is a "laid back" type of person.  I get that and I'm find with it.  I understand that it takes all kinds of folks to make up our world.  BUT, the last few days have found her VERY short-tempered, snappy, and down-right difficult.  When this happens then I'm called upon to decide whether she is simply being "her self" or if her behavior is dementia related.  That's where things get tricky.  

It's really hard to know where to draw the line.

I think there has been a bit of both going on.
If her issues are dementia related then I'm supposed to call her neurologist.  At that point he may choose to change the doses of her meds, or change the type of medications.  If Mom is simply "being Mom" then it would be a mistake to have her meds changed in any manner.

Mom says she stayed awake all one night worrying about her money, which translates into "she is afraid my sister and I are stealing from her".  *sigh  She talks about it endlessly.  I try to assure her that's not the case, then I try to "redirect".  She will not be "redirected". . .She snipes.  She complains.  She is sure there is no one in this world who can be trusted. . .She worries that the doors are not all locked at night...She is unhappy when I talk to a neighbor while standing in the driveway (probably because he is a male). . .Then, just when I'm sure this is all dementia related, we were going into the post office and she opened the door and motioned for me to go ahead of her, saying, "See, I can be nice when I want to". . .Then after complaining non-stop while we were running errands, she is silent for a while.  As we drive into the garage she says, "See, I didn't gripe at all on the way home.".  These statements lead me to believe she knows full well what she's doing and saying.  Yes, Mom is quite the character.  I know she gets bored at times and sometimes I think the griping and acting out is simply born out of the boredom.  

There again, it's hard to know where to draw the line.
So instead of calling the doctor, I've decided to simply continue as I've been doing, and draw that line some other day.