Have you read the one about . . .?

When I go to Mom's house it's quite common to see a stack of library books on the end table by the sofa.  It's been this way for many years. If I want a suggestion of a new author or a book "guaranteed to please" Mom is my go-to person.  She keeps a small list tucked inside her wallet where she has written the names of authors she enjoys reading. . .Then a peculiar thing happened.  I noticed that over time the stack of library books in the living room began to be smaller and then disappeared entirely.  I found it strange that she had stopped going to the library.  I questioned her, and her response was quite vague.

Now I understand.

She has since been diagnosed with "mild to moderate stage" dementia.  Reading, which has always been such a joy and a refuge for her, has become difficult.  She finds the twists and turns of a novel complicated and the many words on a small page overwhelming.

She is coming to live with us very soon.
I have wondered about what I could do to keep her mentally stimulated and emotionally happy.  Children's books seemed to have many of the features she needs, but the pictures and the stories seem almost insulting for a woman in her 80's. . .Then, I discovered Shadowbox Press, a company who makes interactive books for memory-impaired adults.  Who knew?  Certainly not me!  These books are wonderful!  They are colorful, large,  hard cover books.  The print is large and the subject matter is for adults.  The variety of subjects are such that either a man or a woman could enjoy them.  The one I own is, "Seasons".  It is creatively written and the photos are BEAUTIFUL (and large, for aging eyes).  The photos are actually vivid and nice enough to be framed and displayed on the wall if one was so inclined! Sometimes my ulterior DIY decorating persona comes through - Forgive me!  Of course I won't destruct this lovely book which I'll soon give to my Mom!!  Still, the fact is that the book is such that it could be a coffee-table book, left out and easily within reach for an eager reader.  At this stage of dementia, I think Mom will be able to read this book herself and will enjoy the pictures as well.  If the time should come that she cannot read, I feel the pictures will still give her joy.

I've also noticed there are suggested "Conversation Starters & Activities" (at the back of the book) which a caregiver could use to coordinate with the reading of this book.  What a great resource!!

The only thing I wish I could change is the notation at the bottom of the cover, "An Interactive Book for Memory-Impaired Adults" (which is also repeated on the title page).  I know Mom will find this "offensive, and maybe even depressing".  I plan to cover this with some type of sticker - that way she will enjoy the book and never know it is a "special type" of book, which to me is the beauty of these books.  They are written in such a way that one would never know they are "specially written" for one with some very special needs.

I'm already looking at other books offered by Shadowbox Press.
Mother's Day will be here in the Spring and I'm gonna order the "Dogs and Puppies" book for her.
The books are very affordable.
Doncha just love that?!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

Shadowbox Press gave me the book, "Seasons",  for the purpose of review.
The opinions are my honest thoughts.
I am happy to recommend these books!

Waiting.

I don't know anyone who really enjoys waiting.
Since early childhood we're taught to "take turns" and wait patiently for it to become our turn.  We don't usually like it, even though we understand it.

We're waiting for a court date, and it's been a slow wait.
The court date will mark a BIG day in our family life.
The evaluations have been made.
Backgrounds have been checked
Information has been gathered.
And depending upon the Judges decision, Mom will either stay at the assisted living center or she will come to live with us. It's an eerie thing to realize this big decision will be made by someone who doesn't really know any of us.  Mom's future hinges upon a stack of papers full of personal information.  I don't think I would like to be a Judge and have to make these decisions. . . I have decided to be at peace with however the Judge rules.  I hope that Mom can do the same.

The court date inches closer each day
and the waiting continues. . .

Look what I found!

I've been looking for some puzzles that would be suitable and enjoyable for my Mom.  I've read that  puzzles (for those with dementia) should be wooden, or very heavy cardboard with not more than 80 pieces, and they should not be child-like in composition, but rather something for an adult's interest level.  I've been pricing some online made for those with memory issues.  So glad I didn't order those as I happened across these today at "Tuesday Morning".  They have a wooden frame, and 48 pieces which are made of heavy-duty cardboard.  They were marked $6.99 each.  I thought these were a real "find".  I chose my two favorites.  When I went to pay I was told the yellow tag on them meant they were on sale for $1.40 each.  I ran back and grabbed up one of each puzzle.  What a deal!  I think Mom will enjoy these, and if not I'll donate them to the Senior Center so someone else can enjoy them.

I think they're beautiful!
What do you think?
 

The "G" word.

The entire process of becoming a Guardian for one's parent is something I hope you never have to experience.  It's an awful thing to need the court to declare your parent "incompetent".  Who wants to do that?
Not me.
Not my sister.
How we wish Mom had understood the need for signing Power-of-Attorney papers, but that was not the case.  She feared giving up control of what she and Dad had worked a lifetime to accomplish - their finances and their independence.  Sometimes one can hold onto things they love too tightly and that's exactly what happens when one has dementia and no Power-of-Attorney in place.  It's understandable, but also regrettable.  I will definitely sign a Power-of-Attorney when the time comes - the alternative is an awful option.


We are going through the legal process of Guardianship after being told by healthcare workers that it is the responsible thing to do at this time.  It's one of those "I don't wanna, but I gotta" type things.  It involves lawyers, lots of time, extra expense, lots of paperwork, and a judge.  It also makes for rough going when your parent doesn't understand why this is happening and how this is necessary for their well-being and protection.  When Guardianship is granted it is official that the parent/child relationship has flip-flopped, and the child has now become the "parent of the parent" to a major degree.  If you're a praying person I can guarantee that you will be on your knees seeking God's wisdom when this happens.  It's not an easy road.

"Hurry Back. I am waiting!!!"

Mom sent me this Christmas card after I had visited her mid-December.

So much has changed since then.

She is an assisted living center now.
She doesn't understand why my sister and I are seeking Guardianship.
She doesn't understand why she is no longer allowed to drive.
She doesn't understand what has happened to the world as she knew it.

We have no words that make sense to her,
so there will be no understanding.

Dementia is UGLY.

"It's too Late to Turn Back Now"

This is a RANT! 

So aggravated with the attorney we have for the Guardianship case for my Mom. 
He doesn't know the next court date, nor the time- he will call and ask Mom's attorney. Really? 
He has to call to ask HER? 
He seems to defer to her for many things.  He is definitely not the Alpha.

I had several questions today and his answer to each one was "I don't know". 
Then when I gave him some more information regarding our situation, his response was, "well you can tell the judge that.". 

Sooooo, I'm wondering what the heck are we paying this guy for??? 
He doesn't seem to know anything and we are gonna have to tell the Judge everything ourself. I thought an attorney would argue our case for us. 
This guy is a Goober!! 
I feel we're too far into this process to fire him and begin again with someone else. 
So aggravating!! 
My sister and I are two, loving, stable people, and we've passed all background checks. 
My sister is a degreed accountant. She works as an accountant, and is bonded...One would think this would be a "Slam/Dunk case", but noooooo. I feel like we're in the midst of Crazyville... 

Now, I wish I had a Margarita, and it's not even noon yet.

Keys

Mom had a terrible time coming to terms with the fact that the
doctors had told her she was NOT to drive.
She cried.
She spewed anger.
 She wanted to die.
She decided to ignore the doctors words, after all "they just said that because they wanted her money".

So went the conversations between Mom, and my sister and I, for several weeks.  Finally my sister and I decided Mom was regaining some of her physical strength and there was the frightening thought that she might actually try to drive.  We decided the right thing to do would be to take Mom's car key from her beloved key ring and replace it with a "different, but similar key".  Hopefully Mom would not notice the key as being "different", but if she should try to actually drive it wouldn't work.  Problem solved.

I managed to buy a key which looked much like hers.  I even went so far as to stress the key by scratching it across the parking lot pavement.  I was proud of my work - the key looked very much like the one I was planning to replace.  I was going to visit Mom the next weekend and would make the "switch" while I was there.

"The switch" never happened.
Mom had managed to keep a step ahead of our thinking.
She no longer hung her keys on her key holder, nor did she put them in her purse, instead she kept them in her pocket during the day and at night she slept with them under her pillow.
Our plans were foiled.
She had certainly out-smarted us, but the problem still remained.

I left for home, unable to have made "the switch".
I handed off the key to my sister who was going to try her hand at making the switch in the next few days.

The driving issue came to a head within days.
My sister was at Mom's preparing to drive her somewhere, when Mom got into the car, keys in hand and tried to back the car from the garage.
She.Was.Going.To.Drive.
Mom started the car but had problems putting it into Reverse.
My Sister lowered the garage door so Mom could not leave.
There were heated words exchanged.
Mom stomped back into the house with the keys clutched tightly in her hand.
The phone rang.
Without thinking Mom laid the keys down to reach for the phone.
That's when it happened - My sister grabbed the keys!
Realizing what had happened Mom reacted with fury.
She hit.  She cursed.  She raged.
My sister took the key and left, as there would be no calming or reasoning with Mom on this occasion.

The very next day Mom was admitted to an Senior Adult Behavioral Facility for evaluation of her dementia.  After a two week stay we were told that Mom could never live alone again and that  my sister and I should seek Emergency Guardianship, to be followed by Permanent Guardianship.

We had seen this coming, but it was still a very sad day.