Golden Years

Yesterday Mom rode with me to take Boudxy to the vet for his annual vaccinations.  Since we had driven so far across town we couldn't just simply go home when we were done, so we stopped by Hobby Lobby to browse.  Doncha' just love that place?  We looked from one end of the store to another.  Mom pushed the cart and we enjoyed our browsing.  We were there a very, long time.  Mom has gotten much slower with her walking, however the shopping cart gives her good stability.  I made a mental note that perhaps this wasn't the best store to take her for browsing.  She commented on how much she wished she could still live in her own home again.  I told her I understood, and we kept on movin'.  She hasn't referred to her home in a long time, but I guess seeing all the things for a home rekindled the flame again.  It's really sad to see my once energetic, active Mom, slow w-a-y down.  Really w-a-y down.

Sometimes the Golden Years aren't actually so "golden".

Love remembered.

Sweet Valentine's from the Great Grand dolls!

Chocolates!

Teasing with her youngest Great Granddoll!

Young, Old, and in-between
We all thrive with LOVE!

Once upon a time. . .

Once upon a time, in a land not far from you, 

there lived a village of people.  The people of

 this particular village were a little unusual, only 

because they all lived together in the same house.  

Here is one of their stories. . .

We were getting ready to go to church Sunday morning.  I took Mom's morning pills into her.  She took them then told me, very matter of factly,  "I had a heart attack during the night".

OK.

She felt fine at the moment as the pain had come and gone  by this time, still we felt a trip to the ER was in order.  To my surprise, Mom agreed with the plan, as long as she was allowed to shower and put on her makeup before going.  Agreed.

We (Mom, Me, and Lil' MaMa) spent Sunday in the ER and by sundown Mom had been nestled into her third floor room and I was settling in for the night with her.

Lil' MaMa was a lot of help by diverting Mom as I got her signed into the hospital, bringing dinner to me and also going home to pack a bag to bring back to the hospital for me.  Sometimes it takes a Village.  Mister stepped up to care for HK,  which freed  Lil' MaMa to assist me, which gave me the complete independence I needed which enabled me to tend to my Mom.  Have I mentioned lately how much I LOVE my Village?!

Mom was in good spirits, even with the constant blood draws.  The night went smoothly and by noon on Monday she had been given the all-clear to go home.  All her tests had returned perfectly and it was decided her chest pain had been an episode of reflux.  AND, Mom doesn't seem more confused or "set back" at all by her hospital stay, which has been an issue in the past.

By Monday evening all was once more calm and peaceful in the Village.
And the people of the Village rejoiced.

"The Talk"

I had been waiting for the perfect time to broach the subject.  I knew we needed to have "The Talk".  The time was right, so I began with full energy, "Mom", I said, "have you ever thought about using a cane?". I was upbeat, positive, and very matter of fact.  We had just crawled into the car trying to dodge the rain that had threatened most of the day.  I was fiddling with the wiper settings on the car as I asked.  

She seemed a bit stunned  surprised by the question.

"Why, no", she replied, "I don't need a cane".
"If I needed one I would use one, but I don't need one".  She had the look of someone in total disbelief.  She seemed to think my question was a bit funny.  The look she had was as though I had suggested she color her hair green or wear her purse upside down on her head.

"I just wondered", I said, trying to keep the conversation upbeat.  "If you had wanted one I was gonna get you one.  Course you wouldn't need it all the time, but I thought sometimes you might find one helpful, and if you wanted one I would be glad to get you one, you sure don't want to fall.  Well, it's something you can think about and if you ever want one you be sure to let me know..." I was rambling.

The fact is that Mom has become a great deal more "wobbly" in the past few months.  Her balance is off.  Some days worse than others.  It especially concerns me when we are out and she steps from a curb onto flat ground. I think a cane could perhaps help her avoid a fall.  I WISH she would consider it when we are away from the house, but it's not gonna happen.  

I think about how I would feel if I were in her place.  Perhaps I would be resistant to using a cane too.  Along with the aches, pains, and decline of independence, aging also brings a loss of dignity.  Using a cane tells the world that one needs help.  Without a cane the need for help remains somewhat private.

I understand.

Christmas "smile"

Helping Mom get a few Christmas cards addressed then she shooed me out of the room so I couldn't see what she was writing on the inside of the cards.  Hmmmmm.  It could be interesting if you happen to be one of the three people on her Christmas card list.  

This makes me smile just to think about it.

Where the Heart Is.

Home

We come and go.
We paint the walls and mow the grass, and except for when it's time to make the mortgage payment we usually don't give a whole lot of thought to "home" and what it would be like if we suddenly didn't have our home.

Mom has a home.  A nice home that she's lived in for 30+ years.  Then she fell ill, and it's no longer possible for her to live in her home.  It sets empty.  My sister and I do the necessary maintenance and there are many who would say we should sell it, but neither of us have the heart to do so at this time.  Occasionally when Mom is back in her hometown she'll want to see her home.  Then there's always the question of whether it is a "help" for her or a "hindrance" to her well-being, advanced dementia being what it is, it's sometimes confusing for her.  She grieves for the loss of her home.  At first the grief was on-going.  Now the grief seems to only rear it's head on certain days.

Last week our family went out to eat Chinese food.
When the waiter brought the fortune cookies at the end of the meal we all had a good laugh as we read our funny fortunes.  Mom was the only one in our group who had a serious fortune cookie.

She read it aloud.
The meaning didn't seem to register.
But it made me very sad.

A Bowl of "Happy"!

Can you imagine what it would be like to NEVER feel hungry?

That can be one of the side effects of advanced dementia.
Mom is never hungry.
You can be sure she never turns down ice cream, but as far as being "hungry" - it doesn't happen.

Today our family stopped for fast food tacos.
Can you say, "Taco Bell"?  [smile]
Mom likes tacos, so that's not the problem.
She told my husband not to order her anything because she wasn't hungry.  It had been several hours since any of us had eaten anything and everyone else was hungry, except for her.  He went ahead and ordered her a small taco and a glass of sweet tea.  She grumbled.  I told her  to just eat what she wanted and leave what she didn't want.  (Mom hates to see food wasted, so that fact was on our side.)

"When you get old, people just boss you around", she groused.
But she ate the whole thing.

She sees the doctor next week so I'll be sure to mention her declining appetite to him.  Until then I'll continue to boss her around coax her to eat at least something at meal time.  Then at bedtime I'll take her a bowl of ice cream and she'll forgive me for pushing food at her throughout the day.  She needs the calories and it's a bowl of "happy" that never fails to please.

When you're 84 you can eat ice cream every night at bedtime, which gives us all something to look forward to!