I had been waiting for the perfect time to broach the subject. I knew we needed to have "The Talk". The time was right, so I began with full energy, "Mom", I said, "have you ever thought about using a cane?". I was upbeat, positive, and very matter of fact. We had just crawled into the car trying to dodge the rain that had threatened most of the day. I was fiddling with the wiper settings on the car as I asked.
She seemed a bit stunned surprised by the question.
"Why, no", she replied, "I don't need a cane".
"If I needed one I would use one, but I don't need one". She had the look of someone in total disbelief. She seemed to think my question was a bit funny. The look she had was as though I had suggested she color her hair green or wear her purse upside down on her head.
"Why, no", she replied, "I don't need a cane".
"If I needed one I would use one, but I don't need one". She had the look of someone in total disbelief. She seemed to think my question was a bit funny. The look she had was as though I had suggested she color her hair green or wear her purse upside down on her head.
"I just wondered", I said, trying to keep the conversation upbeat. "If you had wanted one I was gonna get you one. Course you wouldn't need it all the time, but I thought sometimes you might find one helpful, and if you wanted one I would be glad to get you one, you sure don't want to fall. Well, it's something you can think about and if you ever want one you be sure to let me know..." I was rambling.
The fact is that Mom has become a great deal more "wobbly" in the past few months. Her balance is off. Some days worse than others. It especially concerns me when we are out and she steps from a curb onto flat ground. I think a cane could perhaps help her avoid a fall. I WISH she would consider it when we are away from the house, but it's not gonna happen.
I think about how I would feel if I were in her place. Perhaps I would be resistant to using a cane too. Along with the aches, pains, and decline of independence, aging also brings a loss of dignity. Using a cane tells the world that one needs help. Without a cane the need for help remains somewhat private.
I understand.
Those aren't the kind of accessories a lady really wants. They fit in the hearing aid, glasses, walkers and similar categories. I am hopeful that if she really needs a cane, she will admit it and prevent having to deal with a possible fall. I know you are keeping a close eye on her. I'm not sure how you can present that to her, but know you will handle it gracefully when the opportunity arises again.
ReplyDeleteThe first cane I bought Dad had a flashlight gizmo attached to it and we gave it to him at xmas from the dog. Dad was getting wobbly and didn't want to admit it and Boomer was old and lay across his path most of the time. We told him Boomer wanted to make sure he could see him and not trip over him:-) It was only for in the house we said. Well Dad fell in love with it, used it everywhere and loved to shine it in people's eyes. Then he realized how quickly he could get anyone's attention when he tapped them on the knee with the cane...and it became part of his wardrobe. I think you may have to introduce it in a way that would be unique to her. Maybe you can get a toy one for HK and one for her for VD, bright red!! You are a saint by the way...so patient..
ReplyDeleteMy m-in-law went to her grave never conceding needing a cane or hearing aid. Of course, she needed both. For her, she actually was able to control her world better by not getting them though, because this way her sons and daughters in law had to keep close by to hear her and to offer an arm. Her son (my dh) would say that was exactly her intent.
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