Easter

Easter 2013

My husband likes to brag that he lives with

four generations of women,

and it's true!

Happy/Sad

Today we are prepping for Easter dinner.
I planned all sort of fun "prep" work that Mom could participate in; she loves to be "busy"

Such a fun time,
working together in the kitchen.

Then, a box arrived from my Sister.
It was full of some needed clothes from Mom's closet in Oklahoma.  She was thrilled to open the box and see her Spring clothes...Then the tears began to flow.

When the past merges with the present it is always an emotional time.
I can understand that adjusting is not easy.

Happiness.
Sadness.
Most days are a mixture of both,

but most days are more happy than sad.

Life changes from moment to moment when one has dementia.

Tightrope

Stressful.
That's how I'll remember today.

I took Mom to the doctor.
This was a new doctor to her and her first office visit since relocating here.  Things have gone so smoothly lately that I hardly gave much thought to what this visit might be like.  I went prepared.  I had all the necessary medical forms filled out.  I had also brought all the legal papers showing my Guardianship.  I had attached Mom's insurance cards and her photo ID to the forms.  What I had failed to do was to prepare myself to what her reaction would be to me having all the forms and signing all the papers.  Mom has always been very independent and she realized, to a great degree, that I was acting in her behalf, doing things that normally she would have done.  She did a lot of sighing and rolling of her eyes as I talked with the office receptionist.

When the nurse called us back to see the doctor, Mom was quite "taken back" that I was going to go with her into the examining room.  (I have done this several times before, so I was surprised at her reaction.)  *insert quick prayer shot heavenward at this point*  As the nurse began asking questions Mom was only able to answer a few regarding her health issues - most times I had to answer in her behalf.  Such is the nature of dementia, as you probably well know.  Later she told me the office visit made her feel "childish" and that I had talked for her.  I always am careful about this very issue.  I want her to talk for herself as much as is possible, but when she falters then I supply the answer.

Doctor appointments seem to be the most vulnerable of times for her.
It's much like walking a tightrope.
If I answer too quickly - it robs her of independence, but if I answer too slowly - she looks to me to give the answer.  I give the answer, then she is filled with sadness, realizing that she didn't know the answer to simple things that once were effortless.

She had an ear infection and received med's for that.
She is being referred to a Neurologist who will work with her to keep the dementia med's regulated.   Perhaps I'll get better at navigating the medical issues as we go forward and I learn the tightropes.

Things that make you smile ;-)

If you've been following my blog, especially the previous post, "Hoot!" then I must tell you the mystery of the strange looking white nail polish has been solved -

My sister reads my blog.
She called last night and shed light on this issue.
I haven't yet  had a chance to look for the offending substance but I know she's right.

*Things that make you smile.*

a Hoot!

The past week has been a good one.
Mom and I have had some fun, giggle-y moments.
It feels like we are finding our "rhythm".

The other day I noticed Mom's fingernails looked "different".
I know that nail color can be a sign of certain illnesses.
Upon looking closer I could tell that she had painted her nails "white".
This doesn't sound like anything I would comment on, except for the fact that Mom has NEVER, no not once, in her entire life, worn or owned nail polish.  She's always said she didn't like it. . .She later told me she didn't like her nails polished and wanted "that stuff" off her nails. I was cooking dinner at the time, but told her I would give her some nail polish remover later so she could "take it off".  She scratched at her nails and removed the polish before dinner was even on the table.

The next morning dawned, and once again she was sporting white nail polish.
Go figure.

This afternoon she asked for the polish remover and removed the white from her nails, again.

We'll see what tomorrow brings.
Sometimes Mom is a hoot!

As I See It.

Yesterday I went with Mom to the Senior Center.
I was surprised to find the parking lot full of cars and at least 75 people inside enjoying all the activities.  We were shown around by a very nice woman.  Mom had the choice of a modified exercise class, a "visiting" room, Bingo, Domino's or an Uno game.  I thought she would choose the exercise class, but I was wrong, she chose Bingo.  She had trouble hearing the Caller, but seemed to enjoy it any way.

Afterwards she was sort of shuffled into a Choir group.
Our family is lacking in musical ability.  Mom does not, nor has she ever had, any interest in music.  We've always attended church and she has never chosen to sing in the choir.  Still, much to my surprise, she actually  sang along a little as the group sang some old gospel hymns.  Color me surprised.

It was my hope that Mom would soon become comfortable enough to go here "solo" a couple of mornings each week.  As I see it, I now think going here "solo" is an unreasonable expectation.  There were some people there using walkers, wheelchairs, and some on oxygen, but for the ones I met, dementia did not seem to be an issue.  I don't really think Mom is up to navigating there alone.  A friend suggested I look for someone who could be paid to attend with her.  I think that's a good idea, one I'm gonna check into.

At dinner Mom told us she was gonna "look for a husband", but that's a different post altogether.

Pollyanna who?

All systems are "go" here in the Bayou.
Things are not perfect but things are most times good.

Our new granddoll is 11 days old and she and her lil' Mama are doing fantastic.  My Mom, Dink, who has been living with us 2+ weeks, is still adjusting to her "new normal".  She is taking her meds without hesitation each time I give them to her.  BIG "thank you Jesus" for that!".  She loves to fold laundry, which is definitely a big help to me.  She finds the baby interesting and enjoys looking at her but has no real interest in holding or trying to help with her - this was a concern and we feared her "help" with the baby could have been a problem, but that has not been the case.

Lest I sound to "Pollyanna", I don't want to mislead you.
Things are not perfect.
Yesterday Mom came to the dinner table and cried. It broke my heart.
She tells me she know longer has a home and she doesn't know what she is going to do.
I reassure her and try to explain that "Our casa is her casa".  Some days she gets the concept and some days she doesn't.

Tomorrow "we" are going to the Senior Center.
I'm hoping she LOVES this place.  It would be such a great opportunity for her to make some friends.  Like a nervous mother hen I will be there hovering just to make sure it's a good fit for her.  I will be the one with hair that needs to be shampoo'd.  Mom will be the one in the new pink floral blouse we bought specially for this occasion.  Wish us luck!

GO!

This past week my husband and I have tag-teamed, one of us spending time at the hospital with our daughter and new granddoll, and the other staying home with Mom.  It worked well, EXCEPT for Mom.  She soon began to fret feeling we were "babysitting" her.  The thought is insulting for an 83 year old woman.  We get that.  Still, what to do when one has dementia and is not to live alone.  ? ? ?  One particular day she followed me from room to room telling me to "Go!"  "Go to the hospital, I can stay by myself" she said, again and again and again.  I gave various reasons why I needed to be home, "laundry, cooking, housework", etc., but she knew they were excuses.  Mom sometimes likes to read the paper, so I got my keys and tried to get her to go with me to buy a paper.  She refused, telling me to "Go, get it myself", so I did.  I was gone maybe three minutes.  When I pulled back into our housing division I took the back way around the block before pulling into our drive-way.  I knew that Mom could not see the car when I approached the house from that direction.  I parked in my own drive-way where I could see both the front door and the garage door, but knowing that I could not be seen from the front house window.  I made some phone calls.  I played on my ipad.  I "hung out" giving Mom some much needed "independence time" alone in the house all the while I was watching the door making sure she would not leave.

After a bit I went inside to find Mom in her room reading.
She was calm.
She was happy.
She was satisfied now that she had enjoyed some alone time.

Note to self:  When Mom needs alone time I can simply
circle the block and drive back into the drive-way to
watch the house while Mom enjoys being alone for a bit.

"Stealth mode"

Mom has been with us 10 days now.  She's done very well.  It's just now that she is beginning to understand that she is not visiting, but instead, living here.  She finds it confusing.  She plans and she plots trying to figure out a way to get back to Oklahoma.  We listen.  We redirect.  We even explain.  She seems to "get it" for a bit, then she forgets yet again.

We were at a department store one day last week.  She had a small store cart that she pushed and it helped her maneuver the store isles quite well.  She wanted me to "lead the way".  I noticed she was having problems keeping up with me, so I slowed my gait.  Didn't help - she slowed too.  I stopped to wait on her, but she stopped too.  Finally, I got it, "she was trying to ditch me".  She turned her cart the opposite direction and marched on, waving me off with her hand.  LOL  I was being ditched by Mom, who chose to "shop" alone.  I went into stealth mode.  I crouched along the edge of the store shelves and racks keeping my eyes on her as she meandered down the central isle.  It was funny!  It gave her a sense of some much needed independence.

We met at the front of the store.
It was a good outing.
This ol' dog is learning some new tricks and this is one of them.

Under One Roof.

What a week it has been - Mom has come to live with us and our youngest daughter (who lives with us) has had her baby.  The baby and her lil' Mama have had some complications but are doing fine now and are scheduled to come home tomorrow.  In the meantime my husband and I have been in full "team" mode juggling keeping a vigil at the hospital and yet keeping my Mom at home, with her meds and her routine in order, as much as possible.  It's been a week long process and my Mom has been a trooper.  She's done a bit more walking than is usual for her, but she never complained. Sometimes we've planned day by day and other times only hour by hour, but it has worked.  We knew when the baby was born it would be hectic, we just didn't know the hospital stay would be so long.  As the saying goes, "All's well that ends well".

Tomorrow we will all be under one roof.
Such a beautiful day!!

Today is the Day.

This is a BIG day for our family.

Today our family goes before the Judge for Guardianship for our Mother.  My Sister and I have been advised by multiple doctors that we should do this.  Mom has the type of dementia which causes the person who has dementia to actually "forget" that they don't remember.  It's confusing, isn't it?  Mom doesn't understand what is happening in regards to all of this.  For that reason she has obtained a very sharp, high paid, Lawyer.  My sister and I want to be named Co-Guardians for Mom and we are in agreement that the best thing for Mom, at this time, would be for her to come home to Louisiana and live with me (and my immediate family). . .So today we go before the Judge.

Not this Judge, Silly!

A different Judge.

Mom's attorney is asking that Mom remain in the assisted living facility where she has been for almost two months as we all waited for this court date.  She is also asking that I be made the sole Guardian, but not be allowed to take Mom out of the county where she lives.  (I live in a different state; a 6 hr drive.) DUH?  Can't imagine how that would make sense to anyone.

For now, I'll spare you all the reasons we feel this would not be a good arrangement, but the bottom line is that we don't feel Mom would thrive in the assisted living environment, at this time.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

If the Judge rules in our direction then we will return home tomorrow with Mom in tow.  I am hopeful this will happen.  If the Judge does not allow Mom to travel here then she will go to live with my Sister, who lives in the area, sort of.  Unless -

The worst case scenario would be if the Judge rules that Mom should remain in the assisted living center.  I know in my heart that Mom will not do well there over time.

That said, we've done everything we know to possibly do to make the best arrangements for Mom.  We've hired an attorney, who has so far been very disappointing.  And we've prayed about it. Now, regardless of what happens, I will leave this in God's hands, and know it is ultimately his will for Mom's life, as well as for the rest of the family. . .Oh, I may stomp about a little, and feel a lot guilty for living so far away,  and I certainly won't understand, but as my Sister often says, "We'll deal with it".  

Saturday's post:  "The VERDICT"

edited 3/3:
This post was delayed so the Friday court date has come and gone.
HAPPY to report that everything went smoothly.
Mom had decided it would be in her best interest to move to Louisiana to live with my family, with the right to have some extended visits with my Sister in Tulsa, during certain times of the year.  My sister and I were made co-Guardians.  *huge sigh of relief*

Mom did fine on the drive from Oklahoma to Louisiana.
A new chapter for our family has begun.