Stressful.
That's how I'll remember today.
I took Mom to the doctor.
This was a new doctor to her and her first office visit since relocating here. Things have gone so smoothly lately that I hardly gave much thought to what this visit might be like. I went prepared. I had all the necessary medical forms filled out. I had also brought all the legal papers showing my Guardianship. I had attached Mom's insurance cards and her photo ID to the forms. What I had failed to do was to prepare myself to what her reaction would be to me having all the forms and signing all the papers. Mom has always been very independent and she realized, to a great degree, that I was acting in her behalf, doing things that normally she would have done. She did a lot of sighing and rolling of her eyes as I talked with the office receptionist.
When the nurse called us back to see the doctor, Mom was quite "taken back" that I was going to go with her into the examining room. (I have done this several times before, so I was surprised at her reaction.) *insert quick prayer shot heavenward at this point* As the nurse began asking questions Mom was only able to answer a few regarding her health issues - most times I had to answer in her behalf. Such is the nature of dementia, as you probably well know. Later she told me the office visit made her feel "childish" and that I had talked for her. I always am careful about this very issue. I want her to talk for herself as much as is possible, but when she falters then I supply the answer.
Doctor appointments seem to be the most vulnerable of times for her.
It's much like walking a tightrope.
If I answer too quickly - it robs her of independence, but if I answer too slowly - she looks to me to give the answer. I give the answer, then she is filled with sadness, realizing that she didn't know the answer to simple things that once were effortless.
She had an ear infection and received med's for that.
She is being referred to a Neurologist who will work with her to keep the dementia med's regulated. Perhaps I'll get better at navigating the medical issues as we go forward and I learn the
Good lesson for me today. I will remember this
ReplyDeletesince I do take my mom or dad to the doctor occasionally when one or the other is not feeling well. When mom goes with me my husband has to stay with my dad. He does not want to be left alone and does not want to go either. So it takes us both to get this task done. I too have a clean house and my husband did the yard. I love when all is neat and clean too. Happy Easter to you and your family. Blessings, Ann
I think you're doing an amazing job, my Dad suffered from Dementia and its such a frustrating position to be in as care giver, I know this very well, you are so kind and caring, your mum is very lucky and she may not remember that she is but God knows what you have done, sometimes he is the only one who knows but thankfully he is enough, my heart goes out to you.We had to sell my Dad's farm and put him in care all against his wishes, some days he was complacent but most days he just thought we were being mean, it exactly like you said, a tight rope, I could not have used a better description.My Dad is gone now, and those tearful days are gone also but I still wish he was here, cranky and all,take care, have a wonderful Easter weekend
ReplyDeleteYes, being the medical power of attorney is daunting. Making decisions that affects someone else's life is a huge burden. My Mom is pretty much deaf and can never hear what the doctor is asking, so I reply with the answer and she always butts in with, "I can't hear a thing you are talking about."
ReplyDeleteOnce my duaghter fell playing volleyball and got a concussion. We went to the emergency room and they asked her where she lived, and she just looked at me. Then they asked her phone number, and she just looked at me. It was pretty obvious she'd suffered a brain injury. This was a girl that was valedictorian of her class and knew it 2 years in advance, and was carrying a 100 in history at that point, failed her final 2 weeks later. Never had failed anything before. Luckily it was a small school and they knew about the concussion and gave her until over the holidays to recuperate and get her memory back.
When Mom gets that look in her face that she either can't hear or can't remember something, I think "If only it were a concussion that she could get over." But maybe it is. She's had 3 injuries and falls this year. With the improvement we've seen this week, maybe it will turn out to be that. Probably not.
Tight rope or not, you gotta do what you gotta do, and you are doing it well.