Today

There were no "incidents" with Mom today.

I went to the hospital to visit with her and she refused to see me.

Tomorrow is a new day.

The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.  Lamentations 3:21b-23

Day #5

I knew what to expect when I visited Mom at the Alz/dementia hospital.  I knew she didn't want to see me.  I understand it, so no need to feel sorry for me.  There is plenty of reason to feel sorry for Mom though.   Never mind that the walls are painted friendly colors and the food is good.  Never mind that the entry is surrounded by lovely, blooming azalea plants.

This is what it looks like to her.

 She has anger in her eyes and talks of being put into "jail" - this is the world as she sees it.  This is her reality - false, but real to her.  Though I try to help her, she sees me as the enemy, the one who has caused her all this pain.

Dementia tangles the mind in awful ways.
It takes away one's freedom to live alone, to care for one's self, to drive, to do all the things one has done for a lifetime.  It is an evil warden.

Praying the good docs can get her back on her meds and fine-tune them in such a way that she can find joy once again living with us.

Hell Day.

I knew there would be ongoing obstacles along the road of dementia with Mom.  Earlier this week we hit a HUGE one.  Mom decided to quit taking her meds.  She feels I control her by giving her the meds so she simply refused to take them, after all she doesn't need them anyway.

I ground the meds and did my best to hide them within her dessert.  She was onto me and threw the dessert into the sink and washed it down the drain.  The following day was what I refer to as "Hell Day".  She woke up early and angry.  She had an early ear dr appointment.  She raged on the drive there.  Hit me as we were getting onto the elevator.  Made a scene in the doctor's waiting room - calling me names and telling the others waiting that I had stolen all her money and left her penniless - and that was just the tip of the iceberg.  While she was having her ear exam I called her medical doctor and arranged to bring her there after the ear appointment.  One of the nurses in the office actually rode with me and Mom on the elevator and helped me maneuver her into the car.  The medical doc's office was close by - thank heaven for small favors.  The doctor saw Mom and then made arrangements for her to be admitted into an Alz/dementia hospital.  She will stay there for a few days while they get her back onto her meds.

Yep, Hell Day.

A A (April Afternoon)

Sunshine and Flowers make for lots of happy songs and pithy poetry.  

They also make for a great afternoon in the garden.

  

The grit of life seems obsolete when there are pretty flowers to be planted.

Sunday Smile

1. No white shoes till after Easter.
2. One's purse should always match one's shoes.
3. Jewelry is good, but should always be worn sparingly.

These were a few of the rules Mom taught me when I was a child.  She dressed accordingly - conservative, and always very well groomed. . .

Last night she had me come into her room.  She had put together an outfit she was thinking about wearing to church this morning.  She had chosen a beautiful, rose pink, eyelet blouse, to be worn over a white tank top, and a pair of khaki pants, with brown shoes, and a brown purse.  She asked my opinion.  I thought it was very pretty!  Then, upon a closer look I realized the khaki pants, were not actually slacks, but sweat pants.  We discussed the sweat pants and I suggested that she think about wearing jeans, rather than the sweat pants.  She frowned, and thought about it, then chose a pair of dark-washed jeans to replace them.  We both agreed it looked much better. . . (I bet you can tell where this story is going.  LOL)  This morning she was the first one dressed for church, wearing her lovely blouse and her sweat pants.  Not too long ago Mom would have been "horrified" by this pairing - no exageration here, she WOULD have been horrified, really.

 "Mom, did you change your mind about the pants?", I asked.

She frowned.

To-may-to, To-mah-to.  Slacks. Sweat Pants.  Did it really matter?
I let it go, so out the door we went, Mom in her beautiful rose colored blouse and white tank, paired with her sweat pants.  *smile*
Mom felt beautiful and she looked beautiful.

I'm reminded of the well-known poem, "When I Am Old I Will Wear Purple".  Mom's version would read, "When I Am Old I Will Wear Sweat Pants to Church".

Bad guys don't always wear black hats.

Bad guys don't always wear black hats.

Sometimes they stand five foot tall and wear blue pajamas.

That would be me this morning.

Mom awoke with a back ache and ongoing ear problems.
She didn't feel well.  When she doesn't feel well she ALWAYS blames it on the meds she takes.  With that thought, she told me she had decided not to take her pills for a few days.  She was adamant.  Not taking her meds is totally a non-option for her.  I tried all sorts of persuasive measures, but to no avail.  Then I became "the bad guy"  sans the black hat and had to verbally "push".  She finally gulped down the pills while giving me the stink eye, then went back into her room where she stayed for a long time.

By lunch all seemed forgotten and/or forgiven.
Now it's time for more meds.

I'm goin' in.
Wish me luck.

*I made a doctor appt. for Mom for tomorrow.
They will re-check her ear and address her back pain, making sure no UTI is present.

Grumpy Bear

"Did you wake up Grumpy"?
"No, I let her sleep in."

This little joke made me smile the first few hundred times I heard it.  Actually it still does at times.  Today was a day when Mom was "grumpy".  She didn't feel her best early in the day and it seemed to set the tone for some grumpiness throughout the day.

It began when she came into the kitchen for breakfast and announced she had decided to no longer take her meds.  Her shins ached and she was sure it was a reaction from the medicine.  Noooooooo!  (*insert scream here)  The doctors worked magic several months ago to get her meds balanced just right.  Skipping or not taking meds is not an option.  I didn't use those words, but I gave her my best "sweet sell pitch".  By the time the Cheerios were gone from her bowl she had agreed to take the pills.  Crisis averted.

Today included a trip to the beauty shop for her, and lunch out afterward.  She was offended when I opened the door for her, telling me, "You kids think I can't do anything for myself, not even open the door!".  I pretended not to hear the remark.  Later, she groused about not being able to carry her debit card, AGAIN.  We have had this conversation several times lately.  Today the conversation ended as I tried to explain to her that it would be best to spend some cash (from her purse) in the Dollar Store, rather than use her debit card. She told me I was bossy, then decided not to buy anything.

Yep.
It's been a day for "Grumpy Bear".

The power of the written word.

Mom just came into the room, crying.
(I have only seen my Mom cry a few times, before dementia.  I don't know if it's the meds or the disease, but now her emotions are very close to the surface.)  She handed me two pretty cards she received in the mail today.  One was from a friend of the family, the other was from a friend from her church in Tulsa. "I've been sitting in my room crying", she said.  At first I couldn't quite grasp at the reason for the tears, as mail usually makes her happy.  I read the card from her friend - it was beautiful.  She had written a lovely letter thanking Mom for all the times she had visited with her mother when she was in the nursing home - it was heartfelt and touching.  It brought tears of joy to my Mom to realize just how much she had been appreciated for her acts of kindness which she did years ago.

It made me think of all the wonderful notes/cards that I have received through the years from people who took the time to "care" and tell me so.

I love email,  but there is still a need for the occasional handwritten letter, note, or card.  Know anyone who would enjoy hearing from you?

Now.
I must go buy some stamps.

He/She?

Just a small thing I've noticed lately.

Mom is having problems with her pronouns - those of the "he" & "she" variety.  I'm not sure if it's because she forgets who is a boy and who is a girl, or if "he" has simply gotten stuck in her recall ability.  It seems most days she refers to a lot of people as a "he", especially if she isn't looking at them, but simply referring to them.  Feminine names seem to not be an indicator for her.  Lately the granddolls have been sending her notes in the mail.   There are 3 granddolls - all in the same family.  Mom has a difficult time remembering if Grace and Paige are a "he" or a "she".  She also refers to the new baby in our house as "he", though she is usually decked out in pink & ruffles. It doesn't actually matter, but I wanted to document this change so I can watch and see if it is a passing thing or becomes permanent.  The mind is a strange thing, and when certain "wires' get tangled one never knows what changes it will make.

Geesh!  Mom is strong.
I can tell that often certain things become very confusing for her,
but she just "keeps on rolling".  The strength and fortitude to keep going amidst change and adversity is much a matter of choice.  She struggles with the changes with great courage, yet finds a way to make the best out of a trying time.  The loss of her independence is BIG, but her internal strength is BIGGER!

Go Mom!!


.

In the Pink

Out to eat Chinese food with Mister.

Beautiful weather.

We were both thinking "pink".

Wednesdays & Thursdays? ?

It's been a month since Mom can to live with us.
Our family is thrilled.  Mom is still adjusting but most days she is quite happy too.  We view this as a win/win!  We have settled into a comfortable schedule of sorts.

Sunday      Church, then dinner out as a family

Monday     Mom and I play BINGO at the Senior Center in the am, then run errands.

Tuesday     Mom and I enjoy "arts & crafts" at the Senior Center in the am, then go home to do laundry.  
                  She LOVES folding laundry and I appreciate the help.

Wed.         Free Day  (she helps me with some light housekeeping chores)

Thurs.        Free Day

Fri.            1 o'clock beauty shop appointment for Mom to get her hair done.

Sat.           Afternoon early dinner "out" with family.

Wednesdays and Thursdays are the problem days.
I am called upon to be an "event planner" on these days.
I find it difficult to find ways to keep Mom busy all day long.
There are just so many times she can sweep the kitchen floor, shred mail, dust, etc.  She doesn't watch TV and seldom will read, and she asks me constantly, "What can I do now?  You know I like to be busy."  On days the weather is good she enjoys sweeping the patio and front porch,and we can go for a short walk, but lately we've had LOTS of rain.  She also seems to enjoy "mending" her clothes - sewing on buttons & hemming.  Maybe embroidery would be an idea?

I'm not complaining, just searching.
If you can think of some ideas for "busy-ness" I'd love to hear them.
Anyone know what I would need by way of supplies for a simple embroidery project?

Sooooo Good!

Mom (83) walking her great grand-daughter (4 wks).

I don't have the words to tell you how happy this photo makes me.

The good days are soooo good!

"Thank you God,

the Giver of all good things".

~amen

Plan B

Today would normally have been "Bingo Day" for Mom, as I go with her each Monday to the Senior Center to play Bingo, however, we slept a little late today, and anyone who knows someone who is dealing with dementia, knows that you cannot "hurry" them - they have one speed, and that's whatever speed they are navigating with on a given day.  SO, we chose Plan B, which was shopping.

Mom wanted to shop for some makeup and a pair of earrings.
She had a list prepared.
This was BIG, for two reasons:

1.  Most days Mom has little interest in makeup (which she used to love).  
2. And, Mom has not been able to make any type of list since last November.

It will be interesting to see if these two interests/skills are present going forward.  I would like to think of this as improvement, perhaps brought on by her current blend of meds.  Doncha' just love a reason to think things are improving for someone you love?!

Our only issue today has been with choosing makeup.
Mom had a particular brand & color of makeup on her "list".  The makeup she is replacing is old.  We can't find the exact color in the store - I think it has probably been discontinued.

"Discontinued"?

She doesn't get "discontinued".

I tried my best to explain how cosmetic companies often change their products/color choices from time to time and replace them with new ones.  My explanation was obviously lacking, so we agreed to look for that particular makeup on another day.  We both came  home happy.