Carnival Games

I have tried to visit Mom while she is in the hospital, but she has "refused my visit"each time, except for once.  On that particular day my daughter and I were both there for the visit.  Mom came into the room, greeted my daughter, looked me square in the eye and said, "I don't want to see you.  I don't want to look at you or to ever see your face again, but I came out [here] because the nurse told me it would look good on my record, and help me get out of here sooner", then she quickly turned to my daughter, asking, "How is the baby today?"

Since that day she has refused all my calls and my efforts to visit.

Today my husband and I went together for a visit.

Once again, when they told her we were there she "refused our visit".
I asked the nurse to tell her I was leaving and ask her if she would visit with my husband.

I left.

Mom did.

He said she looked good and spoke calmly.

She told him she is angry at my sister and I because we have caused her all this trouble.  She says if we had left her alone she would be able to live by herself in her own home, like her friends do.  She doesn't understand she has advanced dementia. She doesn't believe the doctors. She doesn't believe her family.  She doesn't believe anyone who says anything she doesn't want to hear.

I want her to understand what is happening.
I want her to understand that we are all working together to help her live as independently as possible.
I want her to understand that "I have her back".

But, she is ANGRY, and she doesn't understand.
Dementia has robbed her of the ability to reason and understand.

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It seems like dementia problems "pop up" much like a carnival game and I am constantly swatting at them trying to fix them as they rear their ugly heads.