Mom had a terrible time coming to terms with the fact that the
doctors had told her she was NOT to drive.
She cried.
She spewed anger.
She wanted to die.
She decided to ignore the doctors words, after all "they just said that because they wanted her money".
So went the conversations between Mom, and my sister and I, for several weeks. Finally my sister and I decided Mom was regaining some of her physical strength and there was the frightening thought that she might actually try to drive. We decided the right thing to do would be to take Mom's car key from her beloved key ring and replace it with a "different, but similar key". Hopefully Mom would not notice the key as being "different", but if she should try to actually drive it wouldn't work. Problem solved.
I managed to buy a key which looked much like hers. I even went so far as to stress the key by scratching it across the parking lot pavement. I was proud of my work - the key looked very much like the one I was planning to replace. I was going to visit Mom the next weekend and would make the "switch" while I was there.
"The switch" never happened.
Mom had managed to keep a step ahead of our thinking.
She no longer hung her keys on her key holder, nor did she put them in her purse, instead she kept them in her pocket during the day and at night she slept with them under her pillow.
Our plans were foiled.
She had certainly out-smarted us, but the problem still remained.
I left for home, unable to have made "the switch".
I handed off the key to my sister who was going to try her hand at making the switch in the next few days.
The driving issue came to a head within days.
My sister was at Mom's preparing to drive her somewhere, when Mom got into the car, keys in hand and tried to back the car from the garage.
She.Was.Going.To.Drive.
Mom started the car but had problems putting it into Reverse.
My Sister lowered the garage door so Mom could not leave.
There were heated words exchanged.
Mom stomped back into the house with the keys clutched tightly in her hand.
The phone rang.
Without thinking Mom laid the keys down to reach for the phone.
That's when it happened - My sister grabbed the keys!
Realizing what had happened Mom reacted with fury.
She hit. She cursed. She raged.
My sister took the key and left, as there would be no calming or reasoning with Mom on this occasion.
The very next day Mom was admitted to an Senior Adult Behavioral Facility for evaluation of her dementia. After a two week stay we were told that Mom could never live alone again and that my sister and I should seek Emergency Guardianship, to be followed by Permanent Guardianship.
We had seen this coming, but it was still a very sad day.
I am so sorry to hear this, you certainly have a full plate. My prayers are with you.
ReplyDeleteI have said it before but say it again....Bless your hearts! And I mean that literally!! I pray for your hearts to be blessed with peace that passes understanding. And for strength and courage.
ReplyDeletei feel lucky. After two small fender benders Mom realized her need to not drive any more and gave up the car. My uncle sold it. But we went through the same argument over her signing the power of attorney for handling her money. She wanted to die, she said ugly things to my brother until he stormed out saying he'd never be back, but of course, when he cooled down he came back. By then I had talked reason to her, and we had an office worker at the retirement home come in and was signing it when he came back. When it was time for power of attorney for medical, much easier as she was under so much meds from broken hip, she signed without really caring. She doesn't remember it and thinks she's still paying bills and handling things, but she can never find her check book.
ReplyDelete