Christmas "smile"

Helping Mom get a few Christmas cards addressed then she shooed me out of the room so I couldn't see what she was writing on the inside of the cards.  Hmmmmm.  It could be interesting if you happen to be one of the three people on her Christmas card list.  

This makes me smile just to think about it.

Where the Heart Is.

Home

We come and go.
We paint the walls and mow the grass, and except for when it's time to make the mortgage payment we usually don't give a whole lot of thought to "home" and what it would be like if we suddenly didn't have our home.

Mom has a home.  A nice home that she's lived in for 30+ years.  Then she fell ill, and it's no longer possible for her to live in her home.  It sets empty.  My sister and I do the necessary maintenance and there are many who would say we should sell it, but neither of us have the heart to do so at this time.  Occasionally when Mom is back in her hometown she'll want to see her home.  Then there's always the question of whether it is a "help" for her or a "hindrance" to her well-being, advanced dementia being what it is, it's sometimes confusing for her.  She grieves for the loss of her home.  At first the grief was on-going.  Now the grief seems to only rear it's head on certain days.

Last week our family went out to eat Chinese food.
When the waiter brought the fortune cookies at the end of the meal we all had a good laugh as we read our funny fortunes.  Mom was the only one in our group who had a serious fortune cookie.

She read it aloud.
The meaning didn't seem to register.
But it made me very sad.

A Bowl of "Happy"!

Can you imagine what it would be like to NEVER feel hungry?

That can be one of the side effects of advanced dementia.
Mom is never hungry.
You can be sure she never turns down ice cream, but as far as being "hungry" - it doesn't happen.

Today our family stopped for fast food tacos.
Can you say, "Taco Bell"?  [smile]
Mom likes tacos, so that's not the problem.
She told my husband not to order her anything because she wasn't hungry.  It had been several hours since any of us had eaten anything and everyone else was hungry, except for her.  He went ahead and ordered her a small taco and a glass of sweet tea.  She grumbled.  I told her  to just eat what she wanted and leave what she didn't want.  (Mom hates to see food wasted, so that fact was on our side.)

"When you get old, people just boss you around", she groused.
But she ate the whole thing.

She sees the doctor next week so I'll be sure to mention her declining appetite to him.  Until then I'll continue to boss her around coax her to eat at least something at meal time.  Then at bedtime I'll take her a bowl of ice cream and she'll forgive me for pushing food at her throughout the day.  She needs the calories and it's a bowl of "happy" that never fails to please.

When you're 84 you can eat ice cream every night at bedtime, which gives us all something to look forward to!

Note to Self

Mom has been in Tulsa visiting with my Sister for two months.  Now she is back in Louisiana with me and my family.  She travels well and though she had a couple rough days previously (more about this in a later post), she has unpacked and seems quite content.

Today, as we made the 6 hour drive home, at one point we stopped for snacks.  Mom, still as fiercely independent as possible, insisted on buying her own candy bar.  She laid her Butterfinger candy bar on the counter and began to dig through her purse for the money to pay for her purchase.  It took a bit of time to find all the loose coins, but the cashier was very patient.  Then Mom began the slow process of trying to count out the correct amount of money.  She fumbled.  She paused.  I wanted to step forward to give her a little help, but decided against it.  The cashier helped her find the right combination of change and Mom accepted her assistance without hesitation.  <sigh of relief>

Crisis averted.

Sometimes it's the smallest of things that make a big difference in someone's life..
Note to self: There are no "small" acts of kindness.

So good to see Mom again.

Four Little Pumpkins All In A Row

My daughter shared this photo she took today.
Mom spent the day with her and her daughters (my Granddolls).  They went to the pumpkin patch to get their pumpkins then went home to decorate them.  So glad Mom is enjoying her visit in Tulsa!!

Looking Very Good!

This past weekend we celebrated our middle granddaughter's birthday.
Mom enjoyed the family dinner, and though she tried to get out of the photo - there was no escaping the camera.  She is seated between her two oldest great-granddaughters, and looking very good, I think!

We made the drive to Oklahoma for the birthday festivities.  Mom is now staying with my Sister in Tulsa for a prolonged visit.  She will probably be there until Thanksgiving.  She told me she would miss me and think about me every day.  She seemed to be a little sad that we were leaving to go back to LA, but at the same time she seemed pleased to stay and visit in Tulsa for a while.

I know this is not the life my Mom would have ever imagined, but she is doing well and most days she seems to have adjusted quite well to her "new normal".  We've all come a long way since the major changes that took place last December.  We're all in a far better place today, than we were back then.  So very thankful!

Drawing the line

The last few days have been wild a bit stressful.

Mom has been doing so well for so long now that it is surprising when she begins to "act out" (for lack of better words).  In her finest moments Mom is opinionated and wound quite tightly - that's simply her personality.  No one has EVER said that Mom is a "laid back" type of person.  I get that and I'm find with it.  I understand that it takes all kinds of folks to make up our world.  BUT, the last few days have found her VERY short-tempered, snappy, and down-right difficult.  When this happens then I'm called upon to decide whether she is simply being "her self" or if her behavior is dementia related.  That's where things get tricky.  

It's really hard to know where to draw the line.

I think there has been a bit of both going on.
If her issues are dementia related then I'm supposed to call her neurologist.  At that point he may choose to change the doses of her meds, or change the type of medications.  If Mom is simply "being Mom" then it would be a mistake to have her meds changed in any manner.

Mom says she stayed awake all one night worrying about her money, which translates into "she is afraid my sister and I are stealing from her".  *sigh  She talks about it endlessly.  I try to assure her that's not the case, then I try to "redirect".  She will not be "redirected". . .She snipes.  She complains.  She is sure there is no one in this world who can be trusted. . .She worries that the doors are not all locked at night...She is unhappy when I talk to a neighbor while standing in the driveway (probably because he is a male). . .Then, just when I'm sure this is all dementia related, we were going into the post office and she opened the door and motioned for me to go ahead of her, saying, "See, I can be nice when I want to". . .Then after complaining non-stop while we were running errands, she is silent for a while.  As we drive into the garage she says, "See, I didn't gripe at all on the way home.".  These statements lead me to believe she knows full well what she's doing and saying.  Yes, Mom is quite the character.  I know she gets bored at times and sometimes I think the griping and acting out is simply born out of the boredom.  

There again, it's hard to know where to draw the line.
So instead of calling the doctor, I've decided to simply continue as I've been doing, and draw that line some other day.

This and a little that.

I bought some Fall "window clings".
Mom did a good job and enjoyed
decorating our back door using them.

* * * * * * * * 

I've got to share this little giggle with you:

I got this text from my sister who is at Mom's house cleaning out her freezer.  J and I celebrated our 44th wedding anniversary last May.

I think we'll pass on the cake!

August

August is unfolding as a very good month for our household.  We've been busy, but just enough.  Mom is on a good schedule and doing very well.  She is mostly happy and satisfied, and leveled-out.  These are all things that make me smile.  The only changes I have noticed is a decline in her ability to walk very far, and problems, at times, with her speech (finding words to complete her thought).  These are small, occasional changes, but enough to note.  

Things she enjoys -

1. Ice Cream
2. Grandchildren
3. Books/Library visits
4. Mail
5. Blooming plants
6. Candy Bars
7. Lunch "out"

I like all these things too!

Speechless

This morning I was in the kitchen calling the Beauty Shop when Mom came in for breakfast.  She smiled, as if to say "Good Morning", but instead, she sweetly said, "Does Johnny know you tell other men that you love them?".  Startled, I responded, "What?".  She smilingly repeated, "Does Johnny know you tell other men that you love them?".  Color me "Speechless".  I ended the phone call which was still ringing and hurriedly handed her her morning meds.

The rest of the day was totally uneventful.

Just a reminder to me of how very fragile our situation really is.

Filed under: DKITYTI

On our weekend trip we stopped by a Subway sandwich shop for lunch. Mom always insists that she pay for her own meal.  I helped her order herself a Personal Pan Pizza.  (I didn't know they had pizza on the menu, did you?) Then I stepped back into line to order myself a sandwich.  When I noticed the line had slowed a bit I looked toward the cashier and saw that Mom was "personalizing" her pizza.  Finally we were situated at a table to eat.  As I unwrapped my sandwich I noticed that Mom's cheese pizza was topped with "pickles", just as she had requested.  She liked it!

This memory will be filed under"Don't Knock It Till You've Tried It". 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

I'll make no judgment calls since I like fresh tomatoes with biscuits & gravy.

To each their own.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I appreciate you for taking the time to stop by.

Your comments are always so encouraging.
Thanks!

Done Deal.

Monday was our big court day and I'm thankful to say it went off without a hitch, well almost. Mom was in good spirits throughout the day, for the most part. Her attorney met with her in the morning then the two of them went to lunch at McDonald's before our court time of 1:30.  Mom enjoyed the outing with her. The court appearance only lasted 10 min. The judge ruled that everything was going well and that we wouldn't need to make any other court appearances. YAY! This was even better than we had anticipated. From now on we will only need to file a yearly financial report which our attorney will bring to court for us.  This is a big load off our shoulders since to appear in court requires a 6 hour drive.

The one glitch came when we (me, my sister, our attorney, and mom) had to file the court papers in the courthouse.  There were several copies of papers to be signed, stamped, etc.  Then my sister and I were both handed the finalized papers.  Mom wanted to see the papers.  I hesitated for a bit, then handed the papers to her.  She read through them and became "concerned & agitated" once again about her money.  This was what we had feared might happen.  She left the courthouse with my sister and my understanding is that they had quite a rocky afternoon, and Mom is still a bit annoyed with my sister, though she can't really remember exactly why.  This will pass in a couple of days and should be something we won't have to deal with again since we no longer have the need to make court appearances.

There were also some times of fun during our stay in Tulsa.  

Mom, our oldest daughter/Amy, and our oldest Granddoll/Kaylee.

My Sister, Mom, Me.
Mom looks great, don't you think?!

Also, let the record show that Mom does great on road trips. She's the best traveler of any of us!  Me?  After a couple of hours in the car I feel like a caged animal!  Glad the trip is behind us and all is well on the Bayou.

Coming Soon.

We are happily plodding along getting closer to August with each day. When I look at the calendar I'm reminded of how far we have come, considering Mom was living alone, in her own home only 6 months ago.  Amazing to look at all the changes that have been made.  Sad, on the one hand, that the changes were necessary, but happy, on the other hand, that Mom has gone through "deep water" and has emerged in a "content" state of mind.  It would be VERY hard for any of us to make the changes she has had to make, let alone make them when you don't understand the "why" of all the changes.

With the coming of August brings the dreaded "6 month court date", Aug. 5th, to be exact.  We don't mind making the drive to Tulsa, or even going to court, but we (my Sister & I) are concerned that Mom will be very stressed by going back to the courthouse, dealing with her attorney, etc. etc. The court will be  inquiring as to how things are going, asking Mom how she's doing, and looking over her financial statements [to be certain we have not made off with her money].  I get it.  I understand it.  But, I'm not sure Mom will.  Oh-How-We-Wish she didn't have to deal with the courts.  My sister is under the impression that we will do this again next Feb (6 months) and after that we won't need to appear in court any more; only our lawyers will need to appear once a year and provide the proper financial documents.  I sure hope she's right!

Sunday

Sunday dawned sunny & bright.
Mom did not.
Usually she is up early, but this morning I woke (?) her up at 9:00 to get ready for church, as is our usual habit.  She moved slowly.  She ate her breakfast slowly.  I detected a "reluctance" on her part to get ready to go.  Lil' Mama told me that Mom had grumbled to her about going to church this morning.  *smile*  Have you ever felt like that?  I sure have...

Still, we made it out the door and into church.
Mom, Lil' Mama & HK, Me and Mister, filling our little pew.
Afterwards we went to lunch at Mom's favorite place - "Captain D's".
She was all smiles.

Sundays take a little more effort to get us all up, ready, and out the door, but it's always worth it!

I Bet you'll LOVE this!!

At my house.

Mom working on her project and entertaining Haylee Kate in the process.  

She sits and talks to her as she works. 

 HK finds her fascinating.
I could never have imagined this sweet sight,
and under my roof, at that.

Twist & Shout!

That's what I want to do!

"Twist & shout" with joy!

Mom is doing great!

She has been working on a new project for
several afternoons.

When she is finished we will take them to a local
nursing home to give to the residents.

The finished project will have a ribbon through
the top so it can be hung over a door knob.

The project came in a box with all the supplies needed
to make 24 crosses.  She is making two boxes (48 crosses)

.to brighten someone else's day.
Each box was $4.99 from Walmart.

(I share this info so if anyone else wants to do the same

it will save you time from searching.)

Peaches & Cream

Mom made dessert for us today and it was
sooooooo good.
The ingredients were layered into
a baking pan then baked.

Here it is, a work in progress.
She did this with only the slightest of prompting.

God bless my Mom, she is the bravest,
strongest, hardest-working person I have ever known.

I hope no one has the idea that people with Alz's
are in any way "dumb".  That's certainly not the case.
While the disease works to rob them of brain function,

they work extra hard to overcome and fight it's progress.
Let's all pray for a cure.
Some day Alz's will be a thing of the past.
I know that in my heart.
(stepping off my soap box now)

If you've got a sweet tooth and love "peaches & cream"
then you might enjoy this recipe as we did.
You can find it HERE.

Bon Appetit

Breakfast:   Small bowl of cereal, 2 oz fruit juice
Lunch:         Ice Cream Brownie Sundae
Dinner:        1/2 C. Beef Stew, Ice Cream w/Apple Crisp

This is what Mom ate today.
She rarely ever feels "hunger".
Each meal comes as a total surprise to her, however she is usually good to eat whatever is put onto her plate. She reminds me that she was raised in the country and they were taught to not waste food, so she tries to always "finish her plate".

Cereal is her usual breakfast - she likes the taste and she can fix it herself, which is something she is proud of doing.  I usually prepare her lunch, but today we had business across town so I pulled through a Burger King.  My daughter and I both ordered a Whooper Jr. & drink - Mom ordered a Brownie Ice Cream Sundae.  Yes, I was a bit surprised, but she insisted that was what she wanted (and all she wanted), so an ice cream sundae it was.  Later, when we sat down to dinner, I was even more surprised when she only ate a small bit of her soup (we all woofed down 2 bowls each).  She didn't "finish her plate" (bowl) - VERY unusual for her, but she did eat every bite of her dessert.  *smile*   I'm hoping this was just an "off day", and not the beginning of a problem.  Mom is quite small and it would not be good for her to lose any weight.  I understand that losing one's appetite is often another step in the Alzheimer's progress.  Praying this is not the case for her.

Counting

1. Sunday
2. Monday
3. Tuesday
4. Wednesday
5. Thursday
6. Friday
7. Saturday

Mom is doing very well!!

According to Me

Things have been going so well for the past month.  A little success breeds hope for a better future, ya know.   I understand that ALZ 's is a progressive disease with no cure, but I also understand that some people, can maintain the disease quite well, with the proper med's, for quite some time.  My prayer is that this will be the case for Mom.  She is taking her meds well.  She seems to have lost the anger she once felt about me carrying her "red card" (bank card), and this afternoon we were eating our lunch and watching a TV program and she actually laughed out loud.  I admit that her laughter made my day.  She makes her own bowl of cereal for breakfast each morning.  She also showers, chooses her clothes and dresses for the day.  So she begins her day like most of us do.

Actually I find my biggest challenge with Mom, at this point, is keeping her occupied.  Left to herself she will sit in her room and read all day and all evening, except for coming out to shower and eat her meals. Mom is small and somewhat frail and I feel strange asking her to do things that I can actually do myself, but I am reminded of what the doctors tell me, "at this point it's a matter of use it or lose it sooner".  They encouraged me to keep her busy and somewhat challenged. . .Today was laundry day and she folded 3 loads of laundry for me - two loads of towels and one load of baby clothes. I tried to engage her a bit by eating our lunch on TV trays in front of the TV - she has a TV in her room but has only had it on twice, and just for a couple of minutes each time. . .Friday she has her beauty shop appointment then will go to the library to check out more books.  Most days, tho not every day, I can find ways for Mom to interact with the outside world, at least to some degree, but the one thing that is still lacking at this time is a friend her age.  This would enrich her life a lot.  I'm still looking.

A "first"

Mom's first movie in 3D.

It was almost worth the price of a ticket just to hear all the kids in the theater laughing, and yes we laughed along with them.  M & M & M (Me, Mister, Mom) spent a fun afternoon wearing our 3D glasses enjoying the movie.  

Small Things

We went to the library today.
Mom reads a lot and enjoys getting new books.
Today she got her very own library card.

Thank you to the library workers who made this happen even though some of the required documentation was lacking.  They thought though all the possibilities and came up with a way to issue the card.  

Sometimes it's the small things that give a person a lift.

Flying Colors!

Mom's doctor appointment went off with "flying colors"!  

The appointment was hands-down the best doctor appointment I have ever been to with her.  She was a little on edge to begin with, but by the time we arrived she was in good spirits.  She welcomed me to go into the doctor's office with her, which is usually a BIG issue.  Mom was smiling and mostly upbeat as she visited with the doctor.  She told the doctor she wished she could live in her own house, but that both her daughters were very good to her, etc. etc.  I couldn't wait to get home to call my Sister to tell her!! The doctor left her on all her current meds and she doesn't need to see him again for four months.

It is so good to see my Mom smiling and content.
"To God be the glory great things he hath done"!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

After the doctor appointment we went to the nursing home 

to leave the crafts we had made for the residents.

Mom had fun working on these and I hope they brighten the holiday for others.

Have a Happy, blessed, and safe, 4th of July!

Dare I say it?

Things are moving along quite calmly now.
Mom has eased back into a routine and most of the time she seems happy.  Not "happy, happy, joy, joy - Happy", but rather a "comfortable, contented, peaceful - Happy".  She is pleasant, calm, and satisfied most days. I am thankful to my core that she is doing so well.

Tomorrow will present the first possible "stress-er" since she has been back with us - she has a doctor appointment with her neurologist.  I won't tell her about the appointment until this afternoon, as she will worry about it if she knows very far in advance.  This is the doctor who prescribes the strong combo of ALZ meds, and he is also the doctor she saw while she was in the hospital a couple of months ago.  She seems to have forgotten all about that hospital stay and I'm hoping that seeing the doctor will not stir up the past memories that left her so angry with me.

Mom and I had a good afternoon crafting 4th of July Favors.  Perhaps after her doctor appointment we can take them to give out at the Nursing Home.  I think she'll enjoy this and it might get her mind off the doctor visit. 

 Here are the door hangers we made.

Wish us Luck!

Crafting. Perhaps.

The only change I have noticed in Mom since she came home from being away for a month, is a lessened degree of mobility.  Her walk has become less steady, still she does pretty well if there is something to stabilize her, such as a shopping cart, etc. She pushed our shopping cart though Hobby Lobby today which made for a nice, cool, outing and also some exercise.

I talked with her about doing a bit of crafting that we could take to a local nursing home which is in a low income area.  I've been told (by a nurse) that their residents LOVE "absolutely anything" anyone brings to give them.  With that thought in mind I'm hoping Mom will catch the crafting bug, which would be a win/win - it would give her something to do (besides read) and perhaps brighten the heart of the recipients.  With that thought in mind we are planning a 4th of July project and this is what we bought to work with.:

I hope Mom enjoys this and can work mostly solo on the project.  I'll post photos of the completed project if  when it's done.

from beginning to end.

Bet you can guess where we're eating - Olive Garden.
Then we made a quick stop by Baskin Robbins to have ice cream for dessert.  It was a good, sunshiney day, from beginning to end.

A New Beginning.

And so it begins again.
I am not sad, or angry, just stating a fact.
Mom is home with us after spending a month visiting with my sister.  They had a good visit.  Mom looks great; she took her meds and enjoyed her time there.  She actually wished she could stay longer. The timing for the visit was perfect, as when she left here she was very angry with me (re: her stay in the hospital), but now she seems to have forgotten that she was angry and we are off on a brand new start, sort of.

She likes the changes we made to her bedroom.  I tried to find some "before" photos so I could show you the changes, but can't seem to locate the photos.   Mom uses her room almost as one would use a room in a Boarding house.  She stays in her room most of the time, coming out for meals and restroom.  Here is her room now.  I would make a few changes if I were arranging it purely for asthetics, but instead it is arranged for comfort and easy access.  She likes the bright colors.

She uses and enjoys the bulletin board.

We've added a TV since she won't watch TV in the living room with us.  It will be interesting to see if she will watch it in her room.

She spends a lot of time in this spot, reading.
The reading lamp and black table are from her own home, though she doesn't remember them.

Alien visit

I went across town to check out a possible Adult Day Care facility for Mom.  I had called to talk with a worker two weeks previous to the visit, yet when I showed up it was like I was from another planet and talking a language they had never heard before.

No.  They didn't "do" day care.

The woman I had talked to was on vacation and no one else had the slightest inkling what I was talking about.  I'll mark this off my list of possibilities.  My list is growing shorter by the day.

I am now looking for someone who can be a paid companion to Mom for 8 hrs each week; someone to take her out to lunch and to the beauty shop, and also to be her buddy at the Senior Center for one morning.  Requirements?  Responsible, kind, and have their own vehicle.  Someone over 40 would be preferable.

Gonna get out my knee pads and pray hard for the right person to come along.
Quickly.

At the moment. . .

I'm glad to report that Mom is happy and doing great visiting with my Sister.  I love that she is doing well and I love that I'm not the one (at the moment) who is responsible for her happiness.  It's one thing to be responsible for a person's physical well-being, and a whole 'nother thing to be responsible for their happiness.  Caring for someones physical needs is much easier than trying to help someone find happiness in a situation that is foreign and unwanted to them.

I think my Mom liked me much better before she had to live with me. LOL   She tells me, and anyone who will listen, that I am "bossy".  *This makes me smile - I don't know why, but it just does.  Before Mom came here to live lots of people seemed to worry about me and how I would feel spending so much time with her.  The truth is I have enjoyed being around Mom far more than she has enjoyed being around me.  I have simply added her to our "in home" family, made some adjustments, and kept moving.  She, on the other hand, has had a very hard time making the adjustment.  I think she has grown tired of being around me 24/7.  Imagine that?!  I'm looking into an adult daycare facility, which I think we'll refer to as "The Senior Club".  I'm hoping she will be able to go there a couple of days each week to mingle and make friends with people her age.  She needs the independence of being away from me more.

I know I can't make Mom be happy.
I know I CAN try to facilitate more independence for her.

I'll let you know how the adult daycare  "Senior Club" checks out.

To curl or not to curl? That is the question.

(Remember the classic Abbott & Costello comedy skit, "Who's on First?".  I lived my own version of that this week.)

Mom was excited about her upcoming visit to Oklahoma to visit with my Sister, so we made arrangements for some "extras" at the Beauty Shop so she'd look her best during her visit.  She wanted her hair cut.  She also wanted it permed, then styled. She told me so.

Fast-forward to three days later. . . As we were driving to the Beauty Shop, Mom said she didn't want her hair cut, and seemed surprised I had ever had such a thought...We arrived at the shop and talked to the sweet woman who does her hair each week.  "These are the plans", I told the beautician, "forget the haircut and just do the perm, then style as usual".  Mom nodded in agreement.  As I walked across the room to wait, the stylist called to me, "She doesn't want a perm".  Really?

I talked with Mom again, "I thought you wanted to get a perm, Mom," I said.

"No, I don't want a perm".

"Well, do you want your hair cut?", I asked again.

"A little.  A little across the bottom", she motioned.

"And you're sure you don't want the perm?

"No, I know I won't like it, so I don't want a perm, but you want me to get a perm".

"No, Mom, it's totally up to you.  If you want a perm, you get a perm.  If you don't want a perm, then you don't have to get one.  You decide."

She decided on no perm, but to have a tiny bit cut from the length of her hair, then her usual wash, set, and comb-out.  An hour later she looked great and we were on our way home.

We made the drive to Oklahoma on Friday.  She was delighted to see my Sister and begin her visit.  The next evening our entire family gathered for a family birthday party.  "Oh, Grandma", my oldest daughter said, "Your hair looks so nice".

"It would have looked even better if your Mom had let me get a perm", she replied.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

My Sister tells me that Mom is doing great and they are having a wonderful time.